IT was a subdued Oprah Winfrey who bounced on to the Federation Square stage yesterday.
Winfrey did confess that she once wanted to marry Beatle Paul McCartney, but left alone some of her more famed admissions, such as taking drugs and being sexually assaulted as a child, reported the Herald Sun.
Instead, Winfrey shimmied and screeched and wiggled her finger and capitalised on a crowd, as her television formula has long demanded, lathered up by rock music and warm-up acts.
Never before had she received such a welcome, Winfrey announced in her only "official" public appearance of her Australian stay.
"In my life!" she said, stretching out the word "life" for maximum impact.
Winfrey was only getting started. Her voice deepened into that trademark growl.
"In my life!!" Pause for cheers.
"In my life!!!" Another pause for cheers.
"IN . . . MY . . . ENTIRE . . . LIFE!!!!"
More than 10,000 Oprah fans, some waving cardboard cutouts of Winfrey's head on a stick, had braved a darkening sky to hear the word of the television guru of secular evangelism.
None wondered publicly at the appearances of Prime Minister Julia Gillard, who sounded even more Australian than usual, and Premier Ted Baillieu, although both politicians received underlying boos on being introduced.
Earlier, in a contrived show of girl power, Australia's most powerful politician and TV's most influential woman had joined together for an awkward stroll, followed by several hundred camera phone-toting fans, along the Yarra River.
Every moment of the casual chat was caught on film by Winfrey's omnipresent camera crews.
What did the new Best Friends Forever talk about? Hair. "If your mate works in a salon you never have to have a bad hair day, do you?" Winfrey asked Ms Gillard.
Ms Gillard, sporting her trademark fiery do that appeared to have had a recent colour touch-up, answered: "No, that is not true."
On stage, Winfrey wondered whether we'd all been to "friendly school". Australians had "big" and "open" hearts.
Her Queensland koala acquaintances, which she met an hour after arriving in Australia -- and which received the queen of television by copulating -- were the "definition of 'g'day mate'."
In a visit fearless in its pursuit of cultural cliches, some of Winfrey's TV audience members along for the trip yesterday tasted Vegemite, Tim Tams, lamingtons and Anzac biscuits.
Host Carrie Bickmore did not mention McCafes once during the live show, but she did say she was "excited" more often than Ms Gillard mouthed "moving forward" during the election campaign.
Bickmore's on-stage interviews did unpick the mystery of the Winfrey adulation for the uninitiated, who might dismiss Winfrey's television persona as cheesy and formulaic.
"She's such a normal person, (like) an old friend," said one Melbourne fan. "She's an educator. She's a reliable friend. We just love her."
Not everyone was impressed. Nine-year-old Sophie Kent was in the city to visit Santa Claus but was dragged to the Winfrey circus by her mother, Janine.
"It was more exciting to see Santa," she said. "But Oprah was better than Julia Gillard, even if she is the first female Prime Minister."
Michelle Groot, 16, admitted she didn't watch the show but found Winfrey "inspirational".
"And she always gives stuff away, which I'm hoping she will do today," she said.
Bickmore asked the American TV audience members questions about cultural icons, such as furry animals, Uluru and preferred Australian headwear (Akubras).
The quizzing was a reminder that Winfrey's appearance was driven by the need to gather footage.
Yesterday was not about spreading the message of self-affirmation, even if the Federation Square crowd took great joy in bowing in the church of their television idol. Yesterday was about making television.
And Winfrey's presence, at least to those who do not delight to her show, was much ado about Oprah, really.
- with Nick Leys, Fiona Byrne.
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